Nicsights

THE CONTRIBUTORS As a species, we humans are fairly interested in the relationship of cause and effect. What makes something happen; especially something we consider "bad,” unpleasant, or dangerous is worthy of our energy and exploration. One of my favorite tools for teaching clients about emotions, back in my psychotherapy days, was the Anger Iceberg. Anger is only part of what emotions are actually at play in a person when a person feels angry. The tip of an iceberg, visible above the water, is only a small part of what makes up the mass of ice itself.   Anger is not just an experience of being ticked off. This is especially true in people who seem to be angry for years or have unfavorable behaviors that result in us saying something to the effect of, “They’re such an angry person.” So what else is there? In my observation of family, friends, and clients, and myself I have found two specific emotions (human experiences) out of many that seem paramount in contributing to ange...

  Mercy Of all the principles of the gospel that have changed, blessed, and enriched my life there is one that so often stands out to me. The principle of mercy is as sweet and edifying as it is essential for mortal life. In 1994 as a new convert to the Church, I very often found myself concerned with whether or not I had repented fully of various, daily transgressions such as an unkind thought or word that I may have had or said. I discussed this concern with a friend of mine whom was a very special example to me of how to live the gospel. She knew more of the doctrine of the church than I at the time but we both shared the blessings that come of having a testimony of the gospel and living the commandments. When I was voicing my concerns to her she very simply and very powerfully stated to me that the Savior is full of mercy. That simple phrase has stayed with me throughout the years since. Our Savior’s mercy spans what we can’t do ourselves as well as the very special bless...

Kindness                       Have you ever smiled at someone and they smiled back and you felt good? That’s                       the fruits of your kindness.    Kindness is the gentle energy and sentiment that fuels our good works.    Kindness can be felt and breeds trust.    Kindness allows us to feel safety with others.    Kindness is strong.  It is the strength to care for others and show it.    Kindness heals and gives hope.    Kindness often incites love.

  The Arrogance Inception   Arrogance is unattractive in most people. If we are trying to be our best selves, whether for spiritual reasons or otherwise, arrogance needs to be decreased or omitted.   Again, we do well to explore the underlying cause of negative feelings and behaviors to improve them. I propose that often arrogance has its roots in insecurity . Yep, an arrogant person may actually not feel all that great about themselves or certain aspects of their lives. When we are feeling insecure or lacking confidence, we tend to do one of two things. We retreat or we act in an unattractive way; such as through arrogance. We see and we act arrogant in conversation and behavior when we feel the need to prove something to someone or to a group of people. Those insecurities we have that hurt and nag at us become inflamed and we have to act . We let everyone in that moment know how smart, talented, strong, or accomplished we are through boastful words and ac...

  Jealousy It’s my understanding that it’s “bad” to be jealous. The scriptures teach us to avoid jealousy. When we see jealous behaviors or overhear a comment that’s been made out of jealousy, we often feel turned off. Like any other character traits which have been determined as less than desirable, we may explore why we feel as we do and how we might improve. I remember a time when a friend had been petty to another friend and the “petty” one laughed at himself for how he acted. He verbally questioned his behavior in our conversation and something occurred to me that I have had little lightbulb moments about in the past. Why do we feel jealousy? Well, there is a concern involved. That concern could sometimes be labeled as fear. What are we afraid of? Well, it’s kind of simple. Love. We are afraid of not being liked, loved, appreciated, or adored. Like it or not, we all need to be liked, loved, appreciated, and cared for.   We live in a society where often there isn’t...

Let's talk about Patience. It may be countless times in our lives that we recognize the need for more patience. Like many parents, I have needed more patience in dealing with common, but frustrating, behaviors from my children. As a clinician, I have told myself that I need to develop more patience to deal with challenging circumstances with clients. So often I have heard the words in my head, "next time you need to be more patient." Patience is a sought after virtue, quality, trait, and skill. With that in mind, we may cringe at the question, “Am I a very patient person?” Patience is required to being tolerant and for responding in a calm and tolerant way to unpleasant, annoying, and sometimes serious or sudden situations. This kind of patience is situational. It’s situational as it is in response to an event or a moment. There is also circumstantial patience of which I really want to expound on. This is the kind of response to a possibly long-term state or circums...