What is a Partner?
When a mental
health clinician does a preliminary assessment with a new patient or client,
it’s common to get an abuse and trauma history from the person. When
documenting abuse from a significant other or a spouse-we often use the term
“partner.”
While documenting
about this very thing today, I typed about the past abuse a patient disclosed
from a “former partner.” The use of the word “partner” in clinical narratives stuck
me as strange and ironic for the first time in a number of years of
documenting.
What is a partner?
Any number of responses could be obtained from a vast amount of people. Usually
a partner implies a positive relationship between two people. Isn’t it strange that “partner” could be
used to describe a hurtful or abusive relationship?
Webster’s dictionary
defines a partner as:
“either of a pair of people engaged together in the same
activity.”1
This description leads to more exploration, when in an
abusive relationship, one of the two people does not want to be part of the
harmful “activity.” A partnership has a wide scope as it could be someone you
participate in a three-legged race with or in building a romantic relationship
with, or a marriage and family together. In regards to the latter
relationship-let’s explore what a healthy partner is and does.
-A partner cares about the welfare
of the other person in the relationship.
-A partner is someone you chose.
-A partner puts effort into the
wellbeing and happiness of the other person.
-A partner makes sacrifices for their
partner.
-A partner is open and shares what
their needs are.
-A partner makes requests
(reasonable) of their “person.”
-A partner strives to meet those
requests.
-A partner is a cheerleader when
their person needs support and encouragement.
-A partner is “emotionally
available” to their person.
-A partner asks for and gives help.
-A partner plays with their
partner.
-A partner is always a friend.
-A partner does not have to be
perfect but respects and honors their person and the relationship.
-A partner is safe.
-A partner apologizes.
-A partner praises or compliments.
-A partner serves.
The emotional and physical work of a relationship requires
energy and commitment. Both partners
need to be present emotionally, even if they aren’t able to be available
physically. Caring, giving, sharing, loving, recreation, and respect are
essentials to a healthy partnership. As previously stated; a partner does not
have to be perfect. Although sometimes close to it, no person and no thing on
this planet is perfect. Perfection is not necessary in a partner relationship.
Work is. Work is essential. The anxious engagement in the giving and caring in
a partnership may not always be easy but can become at times effortless and
significantly rewarding when the healthy relationship components of being a
true partner are applied.
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